Saturday, December 31, 2011

Oh New Year what will you bring?






I'm feeling down and need to write. Need to just get it out.
For years I have been the forgiver, family and friends shit all over me and I just keep loving. Keep hoping for the good to come and all the bad to be worth it.
But I'm still waiting and I don't think the good is coming.
I'm too nice. I'm a diplomat. I'm patient.
It sucks because I also get hurt far too often.
Maybe I have a giant sign hanging on my forehead that reads "SUCKER".
I know I'm far from perfect don;t get me wrong. I have many flaws and have made my own fair share of mistakes. But funnily enough while I am forgiving others no one is forgiving me. No one is saying "mate we all make mistakes, pick yourself up and try again". Nope, nothing.


Family judge me because I don't conform to their beliefs.
I don't raise my kids how they think i should.
I don't treat my animals how they treat theirs.
I don't spend my money the way they want.
The list is endless really.






Everyone is different. I don't believe in alot of things they do either. But I hold my tongue because it is their life not mine and who am I to judge? I mind my own business and love people for their kindness and friendship/love. Not for how much money they make, what they do in their free time or who has what.
The Daddy Man says I'm a hippy at heart. I think of rainbows and fairies and love. I'm not hard enough on people and it gets me burnt. Time after time.










Over this past year I have had alot to think about. Am I just searching for acceptance?
It's sad really. I have always felt different and often find myself very alone. The people I hold dearly really don't feel the same about me.
Now that's not a statement I make out of attention seeking or sooking. It's an analysis of the relationships/friendships that I seem to attract. I deserve fulfillment in my life especially when it comes to people i care about deeply. I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. I may be slightly screwed up but I'm not a bad person. Maybe it's a matter of low respect for myself? I let people walk all over me and I forgive and forget. But I'm kind of sick of being bitten on the arse.
For the past 25 years I have been seeking acceptance from people who will never give it. I think it's about time I stopped giving a stuff what others think and do what makes me damn happy for a change!


I have a life I love.
Money may be short, kids may be stressful and life may implode at times. But I am lucky and thankful that I am alive and have the chance to enjoy everything positive that surrounds me.


Beautiful children
The Daddy Man
A roof over our heads
Food in the cupboards
Clothing on our backs
Water in our taps
Freedom
Opportunity
Life














I have decided that 2012 is going to be my year. The haters can go and hate somewhere else. I am going to stand tall and do what I want. I will not fear. If people don't treat me with decency that will be their problem and they will miss out on me.


This is my New Year Resolution.
What is yours??

1 comment: